“Mommy… Daddy: where do babies come from?”

The question with the power to shake the confidence of parents everywhere. One that some have been awaiting with fear and trepidation. It used to be called the “birds and the bees,” but it’s not, is it?

The challenges of parenting need not include this fear. Dealing with your child’s natural inquisitiveness about sexuality and procreation need not be difficult. But parents do have questions, too. What do I say? When should I start? Where do I find information and tips to help me?

Despite the hesitation some parents feel, consider this: Who better than you to share this information and pass on your beliefs and morals? Nothing can replace parental teaching. Talking about sexuality is also about values, morals, feelings and decision-making. Besides, if you can talk to them about sex, you can talk to them about anything.

Having decided that you are the best person to pass on this information, when do you start? In short, it’s never too early. Children immediately begin to learn about love, trust, touching and holding. In their first few years they begin to develop a gender identity and to learn sex-role conditioning. There is toilet training, and curiosity about their parents’ bodies, and their own. This is the time to start.

In later childhood (4-8 years) there will be questions about pregnancy and birth, explorations into sexual play (e.g. playing “doctor”) and learning the vocabulary. Soon to follow, early adolescence, puberty and the full gamut of related questions. If you have been open to this point, and have already taught them the words, you can count on continuing to hear the questions throughout your child’s development.

But how do you do it? The facts you share are important, but so are your values — something to remember when you want to avoid the question. The best advice is also the simplest: give them honest, straightforward answers in language they understand. Treat the topic as you would any other. Find teachable moments as lead-ins for providing information your child needs. A child’s natural curiosity is helpful when it leads to an important question. The specific answer you give depends on your child’s age and development. Always try to answer the question asked, but not every child is ready for the full story. For example, a young child may be satisfied with “it takes a man and a woman to make a baby.” Correcting wrong information is an important part of teaching your children. Some 4-5 year-olds believe babies are “made” in the hospital.

Parents are not alone in this task. There are many sources of information including books, videos, pamphlets, toll-free telephone lines and more. Start with the community health office and your family doctor. Meg Hickling’s book, “Speaking of Sex” is an excellent resource, as is “Bellybuttons are Navels” by Schoen. A toll-free line operated by the Planned Parenthood Association (1-800-739-7367) offers “facts of life” information. And a very successful workshop called the “Askable Parent Program” is also available from Planned Parenthood.

Children get information from many places: television, older kids, music, friends… a parent’s role should be to clear up the confusion, and to provide the facts for their child’s healthy development.

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Call-out: “Talking about sexuality is also about values, morals, feelings and decision-making.”